Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize