Swine flu. Run for my life!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Two words: blizzard sex
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
