this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
