weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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