Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just cut my nipple shaving
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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