i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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