You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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