i need an iv and a liver transplant
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Come share oat with me in your robe
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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