he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
