When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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