just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
