Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love having hate sex.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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