I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
