he thought i was a dude.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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