Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
