wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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