Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
