i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
