I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
