OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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