i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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