but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
