there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
