i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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