She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
