yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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