I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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