if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize