She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize