Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
