I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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