I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
