I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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