All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize