So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
