Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
