So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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