I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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