K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
