U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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