The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Damn victory sex feels great
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
