she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
