just come out here and I will go home with you...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
