problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
