He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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