gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
