Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
