Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
