She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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