Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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