mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
