Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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