Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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