So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
