so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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