I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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