just come out here and I will go home with you...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
