I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
