there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just pee around me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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