I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize