can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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