I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
