Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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