One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize