Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
