Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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