I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
