he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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