I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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