Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
