i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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