I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The uberlube is also flammable
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
