don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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