i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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