Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
