Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize